HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: A sneeze you thought was harmless returns to haunt you an hour later when you discover a wad of snot on your sleeve.

Taurus: You're inspired by O.J. Simpson's new book to write your own account of how you would have done it if you had been the one who took a dump in your boss's desk drawer last week.

Gemini: This week, you seriously consider switching fake jobs, as the women at the bars you hang out in are no longer quite as impressed when you tell them you're a specialist with Homeland Security. Might I suggest a position with The Sierra Club?

Cancer: Goddamn, potatoes are good, aren't they? They're just so fucking hearty.

Leo: Learning to speak a foreign language can be vastly rewarding. It can also be vastly expensive, so you might want to consider just making one up.

Virgo: It's great that you're a huge Faith Hill fan. The cards and letters you send her express this quite clearly. Your plan to cut off your foot and send it to her in an act of ritual sacrifice might be taking things to a level with which Ms. Hill is not going to be comfortable.

Libra: A word of advice to parents meeting with their child's teacher for a Fall conference: browbeating your kid because they got an 88 instead of a 90 doesn't make you look like a concerned parent. It makes you look like a dipshit.

Scorpio: A penny saved is a penny earned. Yeah. A penny. Yipee fucking yahoo. Fuck pennies.

Sagittarius: A long train ride this week reminds you how much you hate long train rides. It's a great learning experience.

Capricorn: You are completely justified in sending your steak back to the kitchen because it's undercooked. And the chef feels completely justified in rubbing his balls on it before he sends it back out.

Aquarius: There may be new dish towels in your future. Compelling, no?

Pisces: Don't be so cross with your family this week, Pisces. By tying you to your bed and force-feeding you, they're just expressing their concern for your recent weight loss. Let the healing begin.

posted by Joe # 11:30 PM

Comments:

I used to throw a way pennies as a kid. Bothered the shit out of my mom. Obviously, I'm not a Scorpio.

# posted by

Anonymous : 1:46 PM

That's why I generally cook my own steak.

# posted by

An Urban Femme : 4:56 PM

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, November 15, 2006 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: A sneeze you thought was harmless returns to haunt you an hour later when you discover a wad of snot on your sleeve. Taurus: You're inspired by O.J. Simpson's new book to write your own account of how you would have done it if you had been the one who took a dump in your boss's desk drawer last week. Gemini: This week, you seriously consider switching fake jobs, as the women at the bars you hang out in are no longer quite as impressed when you tell them you're a specialist with Homeland Security. Might I suggest a position with The Sierra Club? Cancer: Goddamn, potatoes are good, aren't they? They're just so fucking hearty. Leo: Learning to speak a foreign language can be vastly rewarding. It can also be vastly expensive, so you might want to consider just making one up. Virgo: It's great that you're a huge Faith Hill fan. The cards and letters you send her express this quite clearly. Your plan to cut off your foot and send it to her in an act of ritual sacrifice might be taking things to a level with which Ms. Hill is not going to be comfortable. Libra: A word of advice to parents meeting with their child's teacher for a Fall conference: browbeating your kid because they got an 88 instead of a 90 doesn't make you look like a concerned parent. It makes you look like a dipshit. Scorpio: A penny saved is a penny earned. Yeah. A penny. Yipee fucking yahoo. Fuck pennies. Sagittarius: A long train ride this week reminds you how much you hate long train rides. It's a great learning experience. Capricorn: You are completely justified in sending your steak back to the kitchen because it's undercooked. And the chef feels completely justified in rubbing his balls on it before he sends it back out. Aquarius: There may be new dish towels in your future. Compelling, no? Pisces: Don't be so cross with your family this week, Pisces. By tying you to your bed and force-feeding you, they're just expressing their concern for your recent weight loss. Let the healing begin. posted by Joe # 11:30 PM Comments: I used to throw a way pennies as a kid. Bothered the shit out of my mom. Obviously, I'm not a Scorpio. # posted by Anonymous : 1:46 PM That's why I generally cook my own steak. # posted by An Urban Femme : 4:56 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011