HAIRSHIRT
Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
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HAIRSHIRT Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery |
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Thursday, November 23, 2006Thanks and "Thanks"
As I stood in the kitchen this morning, hands buried up to the wrist in cornbread and onions, I was mulling over the type of Thanksgiving Day post I should write. On the one hand, after the kind of year I've had, I'm especially aware this year of all the reasons I'm incredibly lucky. On the other hand, it's just a lot more fun to be a snarky bastard.
So I've reached something of a compromise. I'm going to be both sincere and sarcastic and I'm going to leave it up to the reader to decided which is which. I'm thankful, right off the bat, that the Democrats managed to take back both seats of congress. I hold no illusions that this is a guarantee of any real progress in our country, as the Demmos are about as effectively organized as a kindergarten soccer team. Still, just the chance that we might take baby steps toward ending the war, securing health insurance for those without it and actually doing something to fight global warming is enough to make me smile. I'm grateful as can be that news programs keep on showing the video of Michael Richards going insane. I just can't get enough of that. I'm grateful for the safety of our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm grateful for every one of them who hasn't been killed or wounded. And I'm grateful to them for serving their country, even though I'm appalled that they're being used in a way that I feel is not in the best interests of our nation. I'd like to give thanks to every late night comedian who recycled the same fucking joke about Trent Lott being the "majority whip". Sometimes, folks, a joke is just too goddamn obvious and must be left to wither on the vine. I'm thankful for my job. As much as I bitch about it--and, oh, how I do--it's very much not the worst job I've ever had. No, that honor goes to the position of Fry Cook at McDonald's. Great eggnog-slurping Jesus, that job sucked. I'd like to extend my gratitude to cheap foreign MP3 sites for allowing me to indulge myself in--and waste money on--my newish obsession with 80s pop songs. Because what I really needed to do was take up half of the somewhat limited space on my iPod Nano with cheesy shit from Human League. Damn you, Harold Faltermeyer! Damn you and your catchy synthesizer-heavy ditties! I'm thankful for the love, support and continued health of my family. That one's pretty obvious, but I don't think I thank my parents, sister and in-laws enough. So thanks, guys. A big ol' thank you to all the stores that are opening their doors today. Wal-Mart, Comp USA and others apparently knew how eager I was to get going on my rabid consumerism, and they've fixed things so that I don't have to waste all of today with my family, but can instead go out and spend, spend, spend! It's what America is all about, people. And finally, thanks to my wife. She is the smartest, funniest, prettiest, bestest woman I know and I am so very grateful that she shares her life with me. (And just to clarify, honey, that's not one of the snarky ones.) Happy Thanksgiving to all! Enjoy your tofurkey!
Comments:
I'm extremely thankful I was never a fry cook. Plus my family is pretty cool too.
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Stay classy, New York! From: Texans.
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