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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

De-NIED!

Man, I'm tired. I just got back to the States after a flying trip to Iran to attend the Holocaust Denial Conference. I had such an awesome time. I'm a little hung over, though. I was out drinking last night with my buddy David Duke. That motherfucker can put it away, man. He's an animal! I don't think, I'll be honest, I've laughed as much in the last year as I did at this conference. Holocaust deniers are just good people, y'know? At lunch yesterday, my friend Mahmoud Amahdinejad did this fucking hilarious bit where he hung a curly-fry from each ear and shouted, "Look at me! I'm a Hassid!" It killed.

But it wasn't all fun and games, of course. Holocaust denying takes a lot of rigorous intellectual brain-thingies. And we had a lot to think about. My first day at the conference started with a really tedious four-hour sign-in. They have to do a cavity search and a quick blood-typing to make sure you aren't carrying Zionist white cells. Then I spent the afternoon in a really great workshop in which we compared our reasons for denying the Holocaust. Most people came up with stuff like, "You're telling me the Germans seriously would have gone to all that trouble just to kill Jews?" This one guy from Syria said his sole reason for believing the Holocaust didn't happen was because his bitch ex-wife says it did and she's never been fucking right about anything. Which is pretty sound reasoning, I think.

Then, yesterday, I passed the morning in an awesome brain-storming session about what else we should be denying. The short list looks something like this:

That puppies are cute. (Seriously: enough with fucking puppies already.)
That the Star Wars prequels sucked. (If we say they rocked, they rocked.)
That Mahmoud Amahdinejad has a tiny dick. (Mahmoud came up with that one.)
That the chicken came first.
That Next Generation is better than Original Trek. (Man, those Trekkies will go to any fucking convention they can find.)
That tater tots are "White Trash Food".
That I left the toilet seat up.

Now, that's a lotta stuff to deny. I think it's possible that we were a little over-ambitious with our denying. Anyway, the conference was great. They're thinking of doing it at Six Flags next year, mostly 'cause my pal Robert Faurisson loves the roller coasters.

I would have stayed a bit longer, but there was kind of an awkward moment last night at the bar when David Duke put his hand on my thigh and kind of left it there. I was like, "Hey, Dukester, what's up with that?" and then he went into this whole kind of thing, like, "I don't know what your hangup is. I'm not gay and blah blah blah." I think maybe there are some things Davey's not dealing with, but that's a whole other kind of denial.

Anyway, the important thing is that the Holocaust never happened. Just ask Mel Gibson.

posted by Joe # 5:07 PM

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

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		Tuesday, December 12, 2006 De-NIED! Man, I'm tired. I just got back to the States after a flying trip to Iran to attend the Holocaust Denial Conference. I had such an awesome time. I'm a little hung over, though. I was out drinking last night with my buddy David Duke. That motherfucker can put it away, man. He's an animal! I don't think, I'll be honest, I've laughed as much in the last year as I did at this conference. Holocaust deniers are just good people, y'know? At lunch yesterday, my friend Mahmoud Amahdinejad did this fucking hilarious bit where he hung a curly-fry from each ear and shouted, "Look at me! I'm a Hassid!" It killed. But it wasn't all fun and games, of course. Holocaust denying takes a lot of rigorous intellectual brain-thingies. And we had a lot to think about. My first day at the conference started with a really tedious four-hour sign-in. They have to do a cavity search and a quick blood-typing to make sure you aren't carrying Zionist white cells. Then I spent the afternoon in a really great workshop in which we compared our reasons for denying the Holocaust. Most people came up with stuff like, "You're telling me the Germans seriously would have gone to all that trouble just to kill Jews?" This one guy from Syria said his sole reason for believing the Holocaust didn't happen was because his bitch ex-wife says it did and she's never been fucking right about anything. Which is pretty sound reasoning, I think. Then, yesterday, I passed the morning in an awesome brain-storming session about what else we should be denying. The short list looks something like this: That puppies are cute. (Seriously: enough with fucking puppies already.) That the Star Wars prequels sucked. (If we say they rocked, they rocked.) That Mahmoud Amahdinejad has a tiny dick. (Mahmoud came up with that one.) That the chicken came first. That Next Generation is better than Original Trek. (Man, those Trekkies will go to any fucking convention they can find.) That tater tots are "White Trash Food". That I left the toilet seat up. Now, that's a lotta stuff to deny. I think it's possible that we were a little over-ambitious with our denying. Anyway, the conference was great. They're thinking of doing it at Six Flags next year, mostly 'cause my pal Robert Faurisson loves the roller coasters. I would have stayed a bit longer, but there was kind of an awkward moment last night at the bar when David Duke put his hand on my thigh and kind of left it there. I was like, "Hey, Dukester, what's up with that?" and then he went into this whole kind of thing, like, "I don't know what your hangup is. I'm not gay and blah blah blah." I think maybe there are some things Davey's not dealing with, but that's a whole other kind of denial. Anyway, the important thing is that the Holocaust never happened. Just ask Mel Gibson. posted by Joe # 5:07 PM Comments: Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011