Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Monday, January 15, 2007


And That's the Weekend That Was

Three-day weekend. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, when we're supposed to feel motivated to do something to improve the world. My wife and I, off together for three days. And we did fucking squat.

Okay, not complete squat. But close.

We did get a couple of runs in. We finally got the last of the Christmas decorations put away. But that's about it. The plants that I've been wanting to re-pot for the last three months because they've grown far too large for the plastic pieces of shit they came in? Still in the pieces of shit. The laundry that's piled up in our closet, waiting for nothing more than a trip downstairs to our newly-available (and free) landlord's washing machine? Still reeking. The espresso maker we got for Christmas that we've been vowing to learn how to use? Still gathering dust on the kitchen counter.

Instead, we've spent time watching really questionable movies. Friday night--sweet, pesto-making Christ help us--we watched Harrison Ford in Firewall. It's not like we sought it out and paid $10.50 apiece to see it in a theater or chose it out of a wide selection at the video store. We stumbled across it on HBO. But still.

What a pile. Okay, Harrison Ford doesn't take kindly to people threatening his family. We get it. After watching the same plot in fifteen different movies, we get it. I really spent the entire film thinking, "Wow. He needs a nap." Seriously, he's going to make Indiana Jones 4? Is he hunting down The Lost Colostomy Bag of Quetzalcoatl?

Mr. Ford really needs to shift gears. He's always been hyper-aware that his fans like him in a certain type of movie (at least that's what he's always said in interviews), but he needs to give up on the action flicks and do some character parts. It's not like the man can't act. Put him in a comedy or a straight-up drama. Just for Christ's sake don't make him run around and tackle people anymore.

Then, last night, my wife made me watch The Family Stone. Nice cast. Lots of pretty people to look at. But I really didn't get it. Who exactly are we supposed to like in this? The "quirkily perfect" family made me want to wretch, plus they seemed to be acting like assholes toward their son/brother's lady friend for reasons that were unclear to me. Sarah Jessica Parker's character just seemed like a boring, tense dipshit. Then people fall out of love and in love with their former love's siblings and we're supposed to be okay with it. Yo no entiendo.

This morning, we sunk even lower. Comedy Central was on when my wife turned on the television and we actually sat through at least forty-five minutes of Out Cold. A Jeremy London-starring slob-versus-snobs ski flick? (Actually, it could be Jason London who's in this steaming pile of cinema, but I don't care enough to find out.) I felt dirty. Fortunately, we didn't let ourselves sink so low as to actually watch the whole thing.

I guess the important thing about this weekend is that all of the wretchedly time-wasting activities that we did, we did together. And there is nobody I'd rather rot my brain with than my wife.