Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Saturday, January 20, 2007



So Hilary is in. Senator Clinton announced on her website this morning that she's "forming an exploratory committee". I really hate that statement. It's like if I said, "I'm going to look into the idea of scratching my balls." I know I'm going to scratch them. Why don't I just come out and say, "This is me, scratching my balls"?

Anyway, there are things about Clinton that I like. She's my senator and I'm okay with her on a number of points. I'm not okay with the fact that she's felt the need over the last couple of years to drift to the right on certain issues, to make herself more palatable to a wider demographic. I'm not okay with her initial "He's the president and we have to respect what he's doing at this point in our nation's history" bullshit that led to Cap'n Douchebag getting us into Iraq.

And I'm most definitely not okay with the claim she makes in her Announcement Video. She says that, while she "can't visit every living room in America, [she's] going to try." This is just an outright lie, Senator. If you actually made an attempt to visit every living room in this country, you would have no time to do anything else for the next several decades.

So let's be clear here: what exactly are you doing? Are you running for President? Or are you attempting to set a world record for having visited the most living rooms of any American in history?

Either way, I'm not crazy about your chances.