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Monday, January 29, 2007


They Shoot Actors, Don't They?

Really sad news today that Barbaro, the horse who struggled back from a serious injury suffered at last year's Preakness, has been euthanized. I don't follow horse racing, except during Triple Crown season and I don't know much about horses beyond what I read in Laura Hillenbrand's Seabiscuit: An American Legend.

But this news makes me incredibly sad anyway. There are about a thousand celebrities I think deserved to be euthanized before Barbaro. And here's a sampling:
  • Michael Richards--He did about twice as much damage to his career last year than Barbaro did to his leg. Richards will never race again. Put the poor bugger out of his misery.
  • Latoya Jackson--Latoya doesn't even look human anymore. And she's been reduced to appearing on a show where she maces people in the Midwest alongside Erik Estrada. Latoya needs to be put down before she hurts someone.
  • Dick Cheney--Just because.
  • David Spade--If Spade isn't gassed, and soon, we're going to have to live through at least another half-dozen sitcoms where he does his insanely tired greasy smarm bit and, personally, I don't think I can take it.
  • The Cast of Laguna Beach--I think it would be a great idea to drop these kids into a bottomless pit at the end of every season to spare us crap like The Hills. Really, there's only so many vacuous little rich fucks I can hack.
  • David Blaine--I'm pretty sure dying is the only "trick" left for this prick. I say he should go for it.
  • Aaron Sorkin--If the only way he can sort through his feelings about his relationship with Kristin Chenoweth is to inflict fucking Studio 60 on us, we're left with no choice.
Barbaro is gone, but he shouldn't have to go alone.

It is sad about Barbaro but considering the money making, disfunctional, don't-really-give-a shit-about-the-animal industry that is throughbred racing I'm guessing the only people crying were the people who vetted or cared for the horse and not the owners. And I'd bet dimes to dounuts that the horse had semen collected on him during his "hopeful" recovery time. Worry not, there will be baby Barbaros. And yes, Cheney should have gone with him.
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