Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Sunday, February 11, 2007


Black Thumb

This morning, I discovered their tiny, mangled corpses on my living room floor. Less than 24 hours after I'd started them on the road to a healthy, happy future, that road has been wiped out in a landslide.

I'd thought my luck was changing. I'd been doing well lately. The days when my touch was deadly were seemingly in the past. But no.

Apparently, some time last night, our cat ripped each and every baby spider plant out of the dirt into which I'd put them just yesterday morning and chewed the living shit out of them. Their leaves, which had looked so green and full after I'd carefully fed and watered them, were torn and ripped. Their roots, which had just been put into moist and delicious potting soil, were sucking air on the carpet.

I managed to salvage a couple of them and put them back in their pots, but they do not look healthy. This after carefully cutting them from their parent plant and weeks of soaking them in water to grow out their roots.

I was not happy this morning. I chased the cat around the apartment and actually threw a hat at him. I didn't hurt him; it wasn't a batting helmet or anything.

But I'm once again left wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I have such shitty luck with our plants. I'm a nurturing guy. What the fuck?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put some bear traps around the pots in case Sven makes another run at them tonight.

Adults chasing cats? The height of comedy.
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