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Saturday, March 17, 2007


Annie Get Your Gun and Put It to My Head and Pull the Fucking Trigger

There are many reasons to hate that annoying fucking GAP ad with Claire Danes and Patrick Wilson dancing around and exchanging a pair of crappy-looking khakis.

You can hate it because you hate Claire Danes and think she's a bit of a twit, what with the occasional foot-in-mouth disease and the fact that she broke up Mary-Louise Parker's marriage.

You can hate it because the idea of marketing a pair of pants that are made for women but look like men's pants is retarded, as it's much easier to just sell a woman men's pants.

You can hate it because Patrick Wilson was in The Phantom of the Opera, so fuck him.

Or, like me, you can hate it because, for hours and goddamn hours after you watch it, you find yourself singing and humming and whistling that fucking song. I grew up with a mother who did a killer Ethel Merman impression (and did it frequently.) I think that left me especially sensitive to Ethel Merman songs, which means that, once that voice gets lodged in my head, it stays for awhile.

Add to that the fact that I'm not only dealing with this song which keeps barging its way into my psyche, but now it's dragging Claire Danes' dippy fucking dance routine along with it. I want to scoop out my brain with a soup spoon and cut out whatever part is responsible for this shit.

Fucking GAP.

I don't like that commercial, either.

The first time I saw it I thought WTF?? Why is Angela Chase dancing with Joe Pitt?

I feel it's my duty, however, to point out that Billy Crudup and Mary-Louise Parker were never actually married. They had been together for more than seven years and MLP was pregnant with Billy's baby when Claire came between them.

So, she's still a home-wrecking whore, but she didn't break up an actual marriage.
Yeah, fuck Claire Danes. And her successor Julia Stiles, too.

And fuck Crudup for having no goddamned sense. I love MLP a lot.

I don't even have to hear the song to be irritated by Danes and boy jeans for girls. Unless it means they stop stealing my pants.
Just be glad it wasn't "Surrey With The Fringe On Top."
Hey, Joe.

Peace, Love, Gap.

Remember that.
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