HAIRSHIRT

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Bye Bye Captain America Pie

Well, Captain America's dead. He's done been shot. Poor son of a bitch. What's wrong with you sick bastards? All Steve Rogers ever wanted was to express his love for this country by hitting people with a red, white and blue shield. And so he had to die? Damn you, America! Damn you to hell!

Actually, I've kind of got this feeling Cap won't stay dead. Call me crazy. I know that most comic book companies are too virtuous to cynically bump off a major character in order to sell some books and get some press only to bring him back a few months later. However, since Captain America spent the decades after World War II frozen in a block of ice until The Avengers found him, I'm gonna go ahead and say I don't think we've seen the last of him.

So how are they gonna do it? Allow me to float some theories:

It wasn't actually Cap that got shot. In today's topsy-turvy Marvel Universe, who can keep track of all the clones/evil twins/shapeshifters? Not me, that's for sure. It very well might have been someone who just looked like Cap. (And also changed their DNA to match his exactly.)
That wasn't a bullet. Hey, it might have been a high-velocity micro-sized suspended animation machine. In a world where a radioactive spider bite means super powers instead of a slow, painful death, are you really going to take a bullet at face value?
Super Soldier Serum saves the day! The dude is pumped full of a top-secret formula that makes him the ultimate soldier. Who's to say the Super Soldier Serum doesn't have some other funky side-effect like slowly healing bullet wounds after burial?
Tinkerbell Redux. What if a whole auditorium full of second graders clapped their hands real hard?
God Blesses America. Everyone knows that the Almighty loves this country. Does he really want us to be without our snazziest-dressed champion? I'm betting God will send Steve Rogers back to us so we can continue to be the best-loved country in Creation.
Unexplained Comic Book Circumstances. Could be Marvel doesn't even feel the need to explain themselves and Cap just shows up in the next issue of the Avengers and asks for a cup of coffee. That'd make just as much sense as anything else.

posted by Joe # 10:28 AM

Comments:

I vote for "It turns out the sniper was Green Arrow and it was a 24-hour suspended animation/paralysis bullet" ala Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns.

# posted by

Kato : 1:53 PM

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Bye Bye Captain America Pie

Links

Archives

		Saturday, March 10, 2007 Bye Bye Captain America Pie Well, Captain America's dead. He's done been shot. Poor son of a bitch. What's wrong with you sick bastards? All Steve Rogers ever wanted was to express his love for this country by hitting people with a red, white and blue shield. And so he had to die? Damn you, America! Damn you to hell! Actually, I've kind of got this feeling Cap won't stay dead. Call me crazy. I know that most comic book companies are too virtuous to cynically bump off a major character in order to sell some books and get some press only to bring him back a few months later. However, since Captain America spent the decades after World War II frozen in a block of ice until The Avengers found him, I'm gonna go ahead and say I don't think we've seen the last of him. So how are they gonna do it? Allow me to float some theories: It wasn't actually Cap that got shot. In today's topsy-turvy Marvel Universe, who can keep track of all the clones/evil twins/shapeshifters? Not me, that's for sure. It very well might have been someone who just looked like Cap. (And also changed their DNA to match his exactly.) That wasn't a bullet. Hey, it might have been a high-velocity micro-sized suspended animation machine. In a world where a radioactive spider bite means super powers instead of a slow, painful death, are you really going to take a bullet at face value? Super Soldier Serum saves the day! The dude is pumped full of a top-secret formula that makes him the ultimate soldier. Who's to say the Super Soldier Serum doesn't have some other funky side-effect like slowly healing bullet wounds after burial? Tinkerbell Redux. What if a whole auditorium full of second graders clapped their hands real hard? God Blesses America. Everyone knows that the Almighty loves this country. Does he really want us to be without our snazziest-dressed champion? I'm betting God will send Steve Rogers back to us so we can continue to be the best-loved country in Creation. Unexplained Comic Book Circumstances. Could be Marvel doesn't even feel the need to explain themselves and Cap just shows up in the next issue of the Avengers and asks for a cup of coffee. That'd make just as much sense as anything else. posted by Joe # 10:28 AM Comments: I vote for "It turns out the sniper was Green Arrow and it was a 24-hour suspended animation/paralysis bullet" ala Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns. # posted by Kato : 1:53 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011