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Saturday, March 31, 2007


Music of the Nightmare

I'm not a big fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber. I think that he got incredibly lucky when he wrote the music for Jesus Christ Superstar--or else he killed an actually talented composer and stole the work for his own--and that pretty much everything else he's done since should be shoved up Ann Coulter's ass and then Coulter and the music should be shoved up Dane Cook's ass to make something akin to the turducken of annoyance.

Of particular annoyance to me is fucking Phantom of the Opera. First and foremost, I hate Phantom because it helped to usher in the era of the Spectacle Musical, in which a falling chandelier (or a landing helicopter or what-have-you) is more important than, say, good actors or a decent script. Another reason I'd rather self-administer a colonoscopy than sit through a single scene of Phantom is that I really can't stand any piece of entertainment that takes itself that fucking seriously. Oh! the pain he feels! And, oh! the strength of their love! How can an audience sit through that without vomiting all over their souvenir t-shirt?

Now, in the universe's latest attempt to prove to me that there is a god, and that he's an incredible dick, it appears that several of my middle school students have discovered Phantom. Yesterday morning, they had a print-out of lyrics from one of those god-awful Phantom songs and, while I was trying to get them to focus on the lesson at hand, they were fucking singing. Badly.

Middle school girls are overly dramatic enough without bringing the world's worst piece of overblown popera into the equation. If I have to listen to these girls sing so much as one more bar of this nausea-inducing drek, I swear in the name of all that's holy, I will save up my dogs' feces for a month, find out where Lloyd-Webber lives and fucking mail it to him.

Do it! DO IT!!

That man needs to be punished for his execrable plays!

I am SO with you on everything you say. I am just thankful that I don't have to deal with middle school girls, too.
I will gladly pay the postage, or help you out with the whole Ann Coulter/Dane Cook thing- I'll bring the tongs & a turducken baster.

Anything to rid the world of the Phantom and all shitsical theater like it.
Maybe you could use some of your $0.39 stamps from the Stamp Project?
Actually Tim Rice wrote the music for JCS. Lloyd Webber just does the lyrics. I never figured out how he got credit for 'Cats' since he ripped off TS Eliot verbatim for the whole thing.
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