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Sunday, March 11, 2007


Time Bandits

I feel robbed. It happens every goddamn Spring, when the Time Nazis force us to push our clocks ahead an hour and I'm deprived of an hour of sleep that I desperately fucking need. I'm getting older, people. I can't do without my snoozy-time.

This year, though, they've gone completely batshit and robbed me of this hour even fucking earlier. What is wrong with these people? Who gave them the authority to mess with time like this? Should we be worried that all this mucking about with the clock is going to cause a rift in the space-time continuum and we'll all of a sudden have dinosaurs rampaging through downtown Chicago?

Honestly, I never thought Daylight Savings Time was quite this arbitrary. I was under the impression that Wise Men long ago calculated exactly the precise moment when we should switch from Standard Time and thus was it set in stone for eternity. Turns out some putz congressman can just attach a rider to bill. What's up with that?

The upshot of all this is that, when I got up this morning, I was under the impression that I was doing pretty well, getting my day off to an early start and being productive. Until my wife sat up and said, "Hey, didn't they move the clocks last night?" And then I realized that I'd missed The Puzzler on NPR, my dogs were going out far later than they should and I was, in truth, a lazy fucking tuber instead of an industrious go-getter. Goddamn you, Congress!

Remember, if you don't set your clock forward, you're supporting the terrorists.
Hey, there goes a brontosaurus...
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