Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, April 30, 2007


Stamp Project Update

Well I am sad. Ever so sad.

Do you know, not one goddamn person I wrote to as part of this project has written me back? Not one. What's up with that?

I'd been depending, you may remember, on some back-and-forth correspondence to help me use up my stamps. I figured I could get a pleasant long-distance conversation going with some friends and help to keep the art of letters alive as an art form. Ha!

Oh, I got some e-mails from folks. In which they mentioned receiving a letter. But none of them took the time to dig through their junk drawer and find one of those old-fashioned letter-making thingies. What're those called again? Oh, right: a pen.

This one bozo, who shall remain nameless--let's just call him "Keith Marsteller"--made a comment to the fact that an e-mail conversation we had would've taken several weeks by the more traditional postal message. To which I responded, "Yes, but years from now, will scholars writing a book about our friendship be able to pull these e-mails out so they can be read by B-list celebrities in the inevitable Ken Burns-esque documentary? I think not."

What a sad, sad world we live in where sending out ten--ten!--personal letters nets not one missive in reply. I got so goddamn frustrated that I found alternate methods of ridding myself of these stamps. Methods that didn't depend on the existence of kindly folk willing to enter into an old-fashioned dialogue. I put a couple of 'em on the forms I mailed in to renew our dogs' licenses. I put an assload of them on the envelope I used to mail a screenplay to a friend instead of having the post office meter the postage. It makes for a much more colorful envelope, really.

And so now I despair. I still have thirty-three of these fucking things and exactly two weeks to use them. Now that I know I can't count on my "friends" (for lack of a better term), I guess I'm going to have to start writing total strangers. Maybe I'll just pull addresses at random and start sending them letter in which I introduce myself and beg them to be my pen pal. *whimper* *sniff*

It's a cruel, cruel world, ain't it?

Didn't I tell you to do this in the first place?
The strangers will either love it or think you're a psycho stalker.
Either way- fun for all!
Hey! Those are my stamps! I use them to pay my bills. I imagine people like JP Morgan and Sallie Mae are sitting around in their crystal underwater mansions going...Jesus! Here's another payment from Superheroes Stamp Girl. And then they roll their eyes at how awesome I am.

Plus...I got no letter...:P
I'll be your mother fucking pen pal!

I don't know why I used the profanity right there. Just felt the need.
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