Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Cheapness VS Fear

My wife left me explicit instructions to install our air conditioners today. It's been terribly hot the last few days and our poor hair-laden dogs have been suffering greatly. But, see, I'm balking. I hate, absolutely hate, the idea of putting the damn things in this early in the year. They drive our electric bill up like fucking crazy and they're ugly, besides.

And so I'm defying my wife. Oh, I'll pay a heavy price. I'll surely receive a beating for this. She may even break out the belt. But so greatly does the idea of premature air-conditioning rankle me that I'll risk the broken limbs my wife will surely dole out for my impudence.

It's cooler today and much more pleasant in the apartment. Our dogs seem very much comfortable. Why, then, should I be forced to go against my very nature and put those deuced machines in our windows? I shan't! I shan't, do you hear me?

To clarify, my wife does not actually beat me and is, in point of fact, a lovely and gentle person who never beats anyone. Unless they've got it coming.

Not that I'm taking sides here, but you could install them without having to turn them on, you know. Kind of a compromise, only I --er, I mean -- your wife gets everything that she wants and you don't.
Joe, it's been good knowing you. Give my regards to your pets.
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