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Monday, May 07, 2007


Life Is Not a Rollercoaster

Stop for a second and think about the metaphor "Life is a rollercoaster." You say that, you generally mean that life is made up of highs and lows and that we have very little control once we get onboard. Or something like that. I take issue with this.

Is a rollercoaster all about up and down? That seems way too simplistic to me. It's more about anticipation and exhilaration. When you're going up the hill of a rollercoaster, you're all the time looking around at just how high up you're getting and you're thinking, "Man, we're really getting up there and that's a long way to come back down." You spend the ride up wondering just when the drop is going to come.

But when you go down the hill, it's not depressing. It's not like the time you found out you had Chlamydia. The downward portions of a rollercoaster are the best goddamn parts. You're screaming your head off and you're trying to hang on to the rational notion that this thing has been safety inspected relatively recently and the people that put it together had to've known what they were doing or the thing wouldn't still be in operation. But fighting against this is the undeniable fact that plunging from great heights at high speed is dangerous. This is in no way similar to your senior prom, when your date ran off with someone else and you got wasted and puked all over your rented car.

So I'm just calling into question here the viability of this whole rollercoaster versus life comparison. Now, I grant you that there's something rollercoastery about the lack of control we have over the events of our life. I would point out, though, that our lives are very rarely in the hands of carnies. Really only just those times in our lives when we ride a rollercoaster.

If life is like anything at the amusement park, I'd have to say it's more like The Scrambler: it seems like it ought to be fun, but really it's just kind of nauseating and annoying.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that we should all ride rollercoasters more. Especially fantastic old school coasters like The Cyclone at Coney Island. Some douchebag developer is about to tear up most of Coney and build waterfront condos. That fucking blows. How is that at all like a rollercoaster?

Some douchebag developer is about to tear up most of Coney and build waterfront condos.

Clearly someone needs to die. Leave the Coney Waterfront alone!
Besides, everyone knows that life is a highway.

I wanna ride it all night long.
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