Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Thursday, June 28, 2007


Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

I promise that I'll try to stop bitching about having to teach summer school. I swear. Unless the actual task of teaching it becomes so hellish that I can't concentrate enough on any other subject to string together a coherent sentence, I will do my very best to suck it up and not burden anyone reading this with my gripes about classrooms in July.

That said, I'm so very bummed this morning about having to teach summer school.

Up until yesterday, I thought that I at least got to enjoy a four day weekend before being forced into the company of kids who couldn't learn what they needed to in ten months but are now expected to grasp it in one and a half. Then I found out--as I was getting ready to leave, mind you--that we have professional development today. So I have to drag my ass up to the Bronx at 9:00.

I'm going to throw out an analogy here. But first, let me just explain something to any of you outside the teaching profession who may not be able to cast your memories back to your school days: there is no greater joy, truly, than waking up on the first day of summer vacation and realizing that you have two months ahead of you during which you do not have to work. But during which you'll still get paid. There is an emotion that must be akin to the sense of awe and wonder that Moses' people felt when they first looked down into the valley and beheld Canaan. It fucking rocks.

Now to the analogy: Waking up on the first morning of summer vacation, then realizing that you have to teach summer school is a lot like farting during orgasm.

It's still kind of cool and all, but the transcendence of the experience is just shot to hell. Oooo! I don't have to work as much! Hooray! I only have to deal with a handful of resentful children! Yippee! I get two whole weeks off in August!

The thing is, folks, that teachers really have a fairly tough job. Maybe not so much in tony, well-funded houses of education where the tax base allows them three indoor pools and an annual student trip to Tibet, but in high-needs schools where half the population feels free to break the keys off of the aging class computer just so they'll have something to throw at each other, (not making that up, people) just getting through the school year can be spiritually and emotionally exhausting. There are a great many teachers who, without time to recharge and heal their wounds, would wind up with felony manslaughter convictions.

Okay, now, having laid all that out there; having spewed forth my depression and hate, I will henceforth shut the fuck up about it and do my best to make this a quasi-positive experience. The purpose of summer school is, after all, to help kids who need some extra guidance. Plus, if I don't stop bitching, I'm very certain my wife is going to beat me to death with the tripod she uses when she's constantly doing extra photography work on the weekends after a week of commuting four hours a day to deal with complex environmental issues.

So from here on out, I'll do my best to be Captain motherfucking Sunshine and smile my way through a month and a half of working half-days four days a week. Goddamn summer school.

I never had to go to summer school. And for that alone I should be proud.
We should take all the cash we pay moron celebrities and give it to teachers and amusing bloggers. Heh, you'd get paid double, Joe! What a Utopia that would be...
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