Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
The Hairshirt School's Out Today Horoscope
Aries: You're beautiful and smart and witty.
Taurus: Everybody loves being near you!
Gemini: Your career is about to take off.
Cancer: Love is just around the corner!
Leo: Spread the sunshine! Buy a puppy!
Virgo: Give a stranger a hug!
Libra: Don't forget to tip your waiters. Giving feels great!
Scorpio: Been wanting to buy a house? Go for it! Worry about where you're getting the money from later!
Sagittarius: Maybe other people see you as manic, but you and I know you're just full of zip!
Capricorn: Your shit smells like rose petals.
Aquarius: Even if you did strangle that cheerleader, you probably had a good reason for it.
Pisces: Yeah, you're still pretty much kind of a douche.