Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, June 04, 2007


I Second That Guantana-motion

Maybe you heard, but a judge threw out charges today against a kid accused of killing an American soldier with a grenade in Afghanistan. The guy was fifteen when he was captured; he's now twenty. He's been sitting all that time in Guantanamo. The army just got around to trying him, using their spiffy new Military Tribunal system which now--apparently--may need to be chucked.

The dismissal of the charges boils down to the classification of these detainees. The military tribunals were set up to try "alien unlawful enemy combatants," but these guys have all been classified simply as "enemy combatants."

This is a problem I've seen over and over again in the Bush administration. For example, four years ago, they classified Saddam Hussein as an "imminent threat to the United States" when they really meant to call him a "dude we want to kill." They classified the war in Iraq as a something that would last "sixth months at the longest" when they were actually trying to say, "without end, amen."

These things happen, though. We all get tongue-tied and put things into words we didn't really mean to use. For instance, I often refer to George W. Bush as a "fucking douchebag" when, in my head, I was thinking, "utterly moronic motherfucking crusty-ass douchebag." Two completely different things, see.

Anyway, today's ruling is bad news for said fucking douchebag and invalidates his plan to try the men imprisoned at Guantanamo using the military tribunal system. Which brings up the question, how exactly are you gonna try 'em, George? Are they going to have to sit there for another five years in total violation of the principals of due process that were a bedrock on which this country was founded? Are they going to go another five years as an example of the way America flouts international law? Are we going to continue to piss all over the Geneva Conventions so that our enemies feel no need to abide by them in their treatment of our soldiers in future hostilities?

Maybe the time has come to take a good look at who we've actually got rotting in the Caribbean and look toward possibly setting some of them free. What say you, douchebag?