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Monday, June 25, 2007


In Today's Class, We're Studying Naps!

I'm just going to come right out and say this: the New York City school system puts the "tard" in "fucking retarded". Now, I'm not even referring here to the big policy decisions with which I disagree, like using an air compressor and a rubber tube to blow standardized tests down our throats until they've filled every micrometer of our digestive system right down to tip of our descending colon. I'm not talking about the fact that they're in bed with--fellating like there's no tomorrow--the textbook publishers to the point where we change literacy curricula whether we need to or not just so the execs at Houghton Mifflin can make payments on their third houses.

No, I'm bringing up the idiocy of the NYC Dept. of Ed. solely as it relates to their moronic decision not to end the school year on a Friday.

So convinced are these jaggoffs that quantity equals quality that they make the stupid move--year after year--of extending the school year that extra little bit by making students stick around until a Wednesday.

What the living hell do they imagine is going on those last three days? Seriously. The eighth graders "graduated" a week ago. The kids have received the results of their standardized tests and so are aware of whether or not they're going to the next grade. Most kids have caught on to the fact that teachers turned in their final grades a couple of weeks ago, making any work they do now completely extraneous. The most useful thing any of them are doing is helping teachers take down their bulletin boards, a task that apparently takes five students an hour to do when any teacher could get it done in four minutes.

Why, then, do we put ourselves and our students through this charade? Is the school board truly concerned that students haven't gotten to play enough games of 7-Up throughout the school year that they want to make sure we have plenty of time for it in June? Are the kids getting enough educational stimulation from their field trips to see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer to justify keeping the buildings open those seventy-two extra hours?

It just doesn't make sense to me. So I'm saying right now to Joel Klein and the rest of the DoE's Grand Poobahs: Here's a quarter. Buy yourself some goddamn common sense and end the school year on a Friday.

And while you're at it, let's get to work on mandatory school-based masseuses for worn out teachers.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with my summer class on Thursday.

Maybe I'll have them clean my car.
Be careful what you wish for. They might have it end the following Friday, instead of the Friday before. (Did that sentence even make sense?)
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