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Monday, July 16, 2007


Impeach Melba

Eight years ago, or thereabouts, a bunch of conservative jaggoffs got together and decided they'd just really embrace the idea of a legislature that does no actual legislating, but rather spends every minute of the work day attacking the other side. These phallus-slurping puke-rags had appointed themselves a full-time prosecutor whose job, basically, was to do nothing but look for something for which the President of the United States of America could be prosecuted. The man came up snake-eyes until, one day, he learned that the Commander-in-Chief had gotten a blow job from--and stuck a cigar in the cooter of--a dumpy-looking intern. And then lied and said he hadn't.

The above-mentioned conservative jaggoffs were in heaven. "Outrageous!" they cried. "Immoral!" they shrieked. "Criminal!" they called from their moral high-ground. Never mind the fact that so many of them would turn out to be closeted homosexuals or cheats or goat-fuckers. (That one hasn't been made public yet, but expect a press conference from Sam Brownback any day now.)

They took their indignation, added some cream of tartar and they whipped it until stiff peaks formed. They then used this flimsiest of all possible excuses ("He lied about a blowjob!") as the basis for only the third attempted impeachment of an American president in the history of our country, Andrew Johnson having been impeached for violating the Tenure of Office Act and Richard Nixon having faced impeachment hearings for Cavorting with the Devil.

I remember listening to the impeachment hearings, slack-jawed in disbelief that our nation's elected officials had been so consumed by their desire to "get the other guy" that they would ignore the problems facing the country so they could punish a man for getting sucked off.

Cut to eight years later and we've got a dude in the White House who has also fucked up and brought disgrace to his office. Only he did it by trumping up evidence to get us into a war that's cost us over 3500 soldiers. And by subverting the U.S. constitution. And by using his office to line the pockets of his friends. And by condoning torture. And by ignoring the will of the people. That sort of thing.

During all this, my stance on impeachment has been anti-. My thinking was that, if we attempt to impeach every goddamn president with whom we disagree, we lessen the impact of the action, we waste tax-payer money and lose focus on conducting the business of our country. I figured that, once the Democrats got hold of the legislature, they'd be able to undo some of the heinous shit that W. has wrought. (They haven't, but that's a whole other disgusting story.)

Then, this weekend, I watched the latest edition of Bill Moyers' Journal. Mr. Moyers had as his guests two men with generally opposing viewpoints, Bruce Fein and John Nichols. Mr. Fein worked in the Attorney General's office under Reagan and Mr. Nichols writes for The Nation. The kind of guys you'd figure got into a slapfight in the greenroom. But they both laid out very convincing cases for impeaching PoTUS.

They made any number of good points, but it all boils down to this: Bush and his Unified Executive Theorizers have stepped so far over the line that they no longer know where the fuck the line is. They have not only pushed the boundaries of the executive office, they've broken those boundaries all to hell. They have pissed all over the Constitution; they have mangled our system of checks and balances and they have used this power to highly unsavory ends.

If this gross abuse of power goes unchecked, say Mr. Fein and Mr. Nichols, we throw the door wide open to a basically totalitarian leader down the road.

This makes sense to me. Once Bush gets away with blurring these lines, the next guy doesn't have to worry about the lines any more. So I, for one, am ready to say it: impeach this fucking asshole. And impeach Cheney twice.

took you long enough.
While I have been in the impeachement camp since about...oh... Sept 12th 2001, so I'm biased to their argument, I agree that those two guys laid down a great, reasoned case for kicking those two fuckers out of office.

I'm also happy that Moyers came back to TV. Love that guy.
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