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Monday, August 13, 2007


Bon Voyage, Douchebag

So the news comes out this morning that Karl Rove is to resign at the end of this month. After six years of malevolently steering George W. Bush toward whichever policy decisions would prove most Machiavellian, Rove chooses Summer 2008 to bail. And now we are all left wondering...why? Why now? What's coming around the bend to force this move? What could possibly be happening that would make this pudgy, evil fuck abandon his captain? Here are some theories:

  • A Democrat managed to sneak into the White House and perform an exorcism.

  • Rove learned that Seymour Hersch is about to publish a piece in the New Yorker revealing that, after a car accident in 1978, a mysterious cabal secretly replaced the real Karl Rove's brain with that of Adolph Hitler.

  • Rove and Bush have actually been lovers for the past eight years and they recently had a horrible tiff.

  • Rove has signaled the mothership that the planet is ripe for invasion. The Zanuthian shock troops arrive within the week.

  • Rove's pact with Satan expires on Labor Day.

  • Now that Bush is potty-trained, Rove is no longer needed.

  • Or the most frightening idea of all: Rove is going to be working on the campaign of whichever dipshit Republican gets nominated.

But whatever the reason, I think we can all agree that Rove is a giant fucking evil prick.

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