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Thursday, August 09, 2007


I've Got Your Magic Screen Right Here

I just wanted to take a minute to address the fine folks at Sprint:

Hey Sprint-folks. How're you doing? Good. Good. Glad to hear it. Listen, you should be aware that no children--absolutely fucking none--dream about a goddamn "magic screen". If I was a kid and I fell asleep and had the opportunity to dream about anything in the world I wanted and what I dreamed about was a "magic screen", I would wake up and smack myself in the head with a frying pan in the hopes that maybe brain damage would make my dreams more interesting.

So, while I know that there are plenty of people who dig your little time-lapse glowstick extravaganza (I'm not one of 'em, by the way; I think it looks retarded) you really need to lay off on playing up the whole "magic screen" thing. Your screen isn't magic. It's soon-to-be-outdated technology that's getting its ass handed to it by Apple.

Dear Sprint:
I hate you. You can kiss my ass.
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