Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, September 10, 2007


Oh, Shit, That's Right, I Have a Blog, Don't I?

Well hello there. I know most of you were probably thinking, "Thank God. Now I can stop checking this site. He's finally giving up and freeing us from feeling guilty if we don't read his pointless bullshit."

But no. Actually, I just took a break there. First, I went to Ohio to stand awkwardly in a church while a pastor poured water over my poor screaming nephew. He was not a happy lil' guy. But he made it through. And now, as his godfather, I've promised to talk up how cool Jesus is or something along those lines. Which I'll probably forget to do. Sorry, Jesus.

And then, after that, I had to deal with the last...sweet God, I was about to say the "last week of school." Wishful goddamn thinking. No, it was actually the first week of school. The first of oh, so many fucking weeks. The first step on that long, torturous descent into hell and the madness that lies therein.

Nah, I'm just funnin' with you. Actually, it's not been that bad, relatively speaking. There's the usual exhaustion that accompanies the usual chaos. There's the usual utter lack of communication that leads to the usual frustrations. But, to balance that, I had, as I entered my fifth year of doing this shit, a kind of pleasant realization.

I took a look at some of the very nervous-looking beginning teachers and I thought to myself, "I'm not the least bit worried about this. I've been through so very much shit since I started that I don't think there's anything that I truly wouldn't know how to deal with. I actually kind of...know what I'm doing." It's freaky, people.

So anyway, I'm sorry I haven't taken the time to share any of my truly fascinating thoughts on Fred Thompson or the Petraeus or Britney Spears' sad little dance number at the VMAs. I'll do my best to never again leave you alone, wondering exactly what you should be thinking.

Did you also have to renounce Satan from your life? That was the best part of becoming a godmother for me. Hilar.

Good luck in your first week back- I'm in the same boat, and already counting down to Thanksgiving break.
Yes. For Shame. My brain didn't know what to do in your absence, so it went into survival mode. I think I may have eaten a squirrel at some point.
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