Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Saturday, October 20, 2007


My Body Hates Me and the Feeling's Mutual

When last we left my leg, the orthopedic surgeon who saw me for all of ten minutes had diagnosed my leg pain as being a relatively mild hamstring strain and ordered some physical therapy. Turns out Dr. Brieflook may, in fact, be full of shit.

The PT who took my case at the exact same facility that my pal Deni went to some months ago gave me a far more thorough going-over than Herr Doktor and concluded that I actually have a disc bulging out from between my vertebrae and bumping up against my sciatic nerve, causing pain severe enough to make me cry out like a kid whose parent takes the Count Chocula out of his hand at the grocery store.

Hearing this from her brought a whole bunch of thoughts to my mind. The first was that it made a lot more sense than the explanation that a simple little three mile run had basically incapacitated me. The second was that my distrust of certain members of the medical field is actually somewhat well-founded. And, lastly, there was a very loud "Aw, well, shit."

A strained hamstring seemed to be a relatively simple thing to deal with. Sciatica, on the other hand, is a much bigger pain in the ass. And leg. And back. From what I gather, there's no quick way to knock Sciatica out. It's main cause is 37 years of shitty posture. I have to remind myself every ten seconds or so to stand up straight. I need a rolled-up towel propping up my lumbar area whenever I sit or I'm in agony. And I have exercises to do all throughout the day.

The exercises all involve me being on the floor, which is confusing as hell to our dog, who assumes I'd only go down there for something canine-related. So, while I'm trying to do some half-assed yoga moves, I've got Mortimer poking his nose in my crotch or, worse, dropping his saliva-laden chew toy on my legs as some sort of Welcome-to-My-Level gift. I fucking hate that chew toy.

Anyway, that's what's going on. Plain ol' sciatica and the long road to recovery and better posture. Still in pain, still can't run, still getting fatter. But at least things are going well at work. Oh, wait, they're not. Shit.