Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Where Have You Gone, Snidely Whiplash?

Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they're forced to put up with each other's taste in television shows. Which is why my wife has to suffer through the play-offs when she completely and utterly fails to see the appeal of grown men swinging a piece of wood at a ball.

It's also why I occasionally have to spend time in the proximity of shows like The Biggest Loser. I understand, to a degree, the appeal of the show. It is, actually, nice to see people trying to take control of their lives and effect some sort of change. And seeing the end result is interesting in a vaguely freak-show sort of way.

What I cannot understand is the reason the producers deemed it necessary to have one of the trainers be the "evil" trainer. Her team is the Black Team. Whenever they do a weigh-in, they cut to lots of shots of her scowling. She yells at the poor, quivering masses of flesh under her charge. She's a "hard-ass".

Are we as a people so completely fucking dense that we can't handle even a shitty reality show without a clear-cut villain? It's not enough that these people are trying to stave off inevitable heart-attacks by repeatedly waddling up hills, we also have to have some moustache-twirling trainer to hate?

To me, this is the most retardedly unnecessary villain since the "evil" tornado chasers in Twister. I'm going to just throw out the suggestion that we would be much better off as a country if we didn't feed this need for black-and-white villains. It might even keep us out of Iran.

Hey, how about a reality show where Mahmoud Ahmadinejad inspires fat people to deny the Holocaust? We could call it The Biggest Anti-Semite!