Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery
Monday, December 31, 2007
You Say You Want a Resolution
I've never been too huge on making plans for big life-changes at New Year's. I mean, you're always just coming off the Christmas parties and you've been eating sweets for weeks, so you're thinking, "Man, if I never see another fucking truffle, I'm going to be a happy goddamn camper." You've received all sorts of gifts, so your consumerist itch has been thoroughly scratched. Often, you've had time off from work, so you're nice and energetic and anything seems possible.
Cut to three weeks later, when you're stressed after another shitty day at work. Forcing yourself to the gym seems like cruel and goddamn unusual punishment. A pint of Ben & Jerry's doesn't strike you as overly indulgent, it's just being kind of nice to yourself. And downing three bottles of lager isn't evil, it's a survival strategy.
No, resolutions are just ways of setting yourself up for disappointment and increased self-loathing down the road.
Instead of resolutions, I'm going to go with the reduced pressure of Hopes. I don't have any goddamn resolutions, I just have a bunch of hopes.
I hope that this frigging herniated disc is taken care of sometime in the next few weeks so I can run again without the resultant agony.
I hope I can overcome my monumental laziness and get a screenplay in good enough shape to submit to a few contests.
Also under that overcoming laziness thing, I hope I can light a fire under my and my partner's assess and finally get going on our podcast.
I hope the Browns elimination from the playoffs is the last time a Cleveland sports team lets me down for the next 365 days. (I don't actually hold out the least bit of hope for that one and, in fact, it's kind of a rhetorical hope. If such a thing exists.)
I hope I can work up the energy to take the air conditioner out of our bedroom window. It's nearly January, people, this is ridiculous.
I hope I can learn to rein in my tongue and resist making such snide comments when my wife is watching TV shows that she enjoys and I find nauseating.
But most of all--and this really trumps all the other hopes and I would gladly have every single one of the other hopes crushed if it meant this one could be fulfilled--I hope the end of 2008 finds us with a kid or damned close to it.
Wishing you all a Happy New Year and a 2008 that's relatively free of bad news.