Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Hurried Hairshirt Concise Horoscopes

Aries: Eat more fiber.

Taurus: Good news awaits. So does athlete's foot.

Gemini: Yes, he's cheating. No, it's not your mom.

Cancer: Red dress, pumps instead of mules.

Leo: Try mouthwash.

Virgo: It's under the couch.

Libra: Go ahead and lance it.

Scorpio: She had Herpes. Nice going.

Sagittarius: That wasn't beef.

Capricorn: You forgot to carry the four.

Aquarius: It's more than a simple rash.

Pisces: If it's past the expiration date, just throw it out.

I've been waiting for just the right time to wear my red dress. Now I know. Thanks, Joe.
Damn, I was hoping it'd just go away.
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