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Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Speaking of Rubber Bottles Filled with Vinegar and Water...

How much of an utter douchebag is Hillary Clinton?

Whether you agree with their action or not, the Democratic party stripped Florida (and Michigan, but we won't worry about that right now) of its delegates when they made the idiotic decision to move their primary up to January 29th. The Democrats decided to go this route because, last fall, it truly looked like half the fucking country was going to have their goddamn primaries on New Year's Day because they wanted all the glory that comes with being first.

We need some serious election overhaul, folks. I've ranted on and on before about this asinine drive states have to get their primaries in early so that candidates pay more attention to them. We should go with a one-date-fits-all primary or rotate the early elections or some goddamn thing to make all this nonsense go away and remind Iowa and New Hampshire that they're really no more fucking important than Oregon and Arkansas. (Okay, maybe they're more important than Arkansas.)

Anyway, as you may have heard, all the Democratic candidates pledged to avoid campaigning in Florida and Michigan in order to show solidarity with the party. There are those who think this was a dumb move on the part of party officials, as they'll desperately need those voters when the general election rolls around. But, good idea or not, most of the candidates abided by the decision.

Except Hill. Who decided to leave her name on the ballot in Michigan. Who showed up in Florida right after the polls closed. Who has promised to attempt to get the convention delegates to vote to give Michigan and Florida back their delegates so everybody can kiss and make nice-nice. Who is trying to use this basically meaningless goddamn primary win to look like she's got momentum going into next week's Super Tuesday. (Or Mega-Tuesday, if you must, since it's even super-er this year. I feel that anyone who calls it "Super Duper Tuesday" should be stuffed with candy and beaten like a motherfucking pinata.)

This is essentially the same thing as agreeing with your third grade friends that you weren't going to race to the arcade, then breaking into a spring while they're up in a tree, playing with their Han Solo and Obi Wan action figures. (Feel free to substitute whatever childhood-related metaphor works for you here.)

So this is one more goddamn example of Clinton playing dirty. Hey Hillary! You and Florida can go fuck yourselves!

Ah, the keen insight of my political discourse.

The primary system is magnificently flawed if you expect it to be a serious political endeavor, but if you look at it as a circus, it is just magnificently boring. I suppose I am a bit biased because I live in Oregon, where we don't vote in our primary until May. At least we have vote-by-mail, so we don't have to take the trouble to actually leave our houses to vote in a nonsense election.
I am offended when people call it anything other than Super TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY!

You say tomato; I say TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO!
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