HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: You find yourself a little turned on by Barack Obama's "Houston, we've achieved lift-off here" comment after last night's Wisconsin victory. You need to get laid, Aries.

Taurus: A beautiful, glorious picture comes into your life this week. The stars are a little vague on what this picture is. So it could be a Vermeer at the museum or a snapshot of your boss fucking a goat. There's a pretty wide range, actually.

Gemini: Great. Now what are you going to do with those 100,000 "Re-elect Castro" bumper stickers you had printed up.

Cancer: Strangely enough, you really kind of miss stamps that you had to lick.

Leo: The naked Lindsay Lohan pictures have you engaged in a war with yourself. Your brain says "No!" while the hand with which you masturbate sings "Yes!"

Virgo: Yes, coffee is a good way to wake yourself up in the morning, Virgo, but for Christ's sake, you don't snort it.

Libra: Shame such as you've never known comes crashing down on your head today, Libra, when you suddenly realize that you've never listened to The Conversation. What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway?

Scorpio: Maybe the reason you haven't had sex in eleven months is that you're only comfortable getting it on to your favorite John Phillip Sousa march. Try some Barry White, man.

Sagittarius: You make a new acquaintance this week with whom you have much in common. Except that he's a convicted murderer. So, y'know, you probably don't want to go on a golfing trip with him.

Capricorn: You discover your Achilles heel today, Capricorn. It happens when you get shot in your heel.

Aquarius: Today is the perfect day to try out a new recipe, Aquarius. Maybe you could create something edgy, like a cake frosted with liver! Delicious!

Pisces: Desperate for a little human contact, you find yourself tackling strangers on the street today. Maybe you should hire an "escort."

posted by Joe # 8:34 AM

Comments:

Huh... maybe all horoscopes aren't a crock of shit. This one turned out to be true.

# posted by

HopSkipJump : 3:52 AM

Shit, and I already booked a golfing trip to Maui.

# posted by

s. douglas : 10:17 AM

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, February 20, 2008 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: You find yourself a little turned on by Barack Obama's "Houston, we've achieved lift-off here" comment after last night's Wisconsin victory. You need to get laid, Aries. Taurus: A beautiful, glorious picture comes into your life this week. The stars are a little vague on what this picture is. So it could be a Vermeer at the museum or a snapshot of your boss fucking a goat. There's a pretty wide range, actually. Gemini: Great. Now what are you going to do with those 100,000 "Re-elect Castro" bumper stickers you had printed up. Cancer: Strangely enough, you really kind of miss stamps that you had to lick. Leo: The naked Lindsay Lohan pictures have you engaged in a war with yourself. Your brain says "No!" while the hand with which you masturbate sings "Yes!" Virgo: Yes, coffee is a good way to wake yourself up in the morning, Virgo, but for Christ's sake, you don't snort it. Libra: Shame such as you've never known comes crashing down on your head today, Libra, when you suddenly realize that you've never listened to The Conversation. What the fuck is wrong with you, anyway? Scorpio: Maybe the reason you haven't had sex in eleven months is that you're only comfortable getting it on to your favorite John Phillip Sousa march. Try some Barry White, man. Sagittarius: You make a new acquaintance this week with whom you have much in common. Except that he's a convicted murderer. So, y'know, you probably don't want to go on a golfing trip with him. Capricorn: You discover your Achilles heel today, Capricorn. It happens when you get shot in your heel. Aquarius: Today is the perfect day to try out a new recipe, Aquarius. Maybe you could create something edgy, like a cake frosted with liver! Delicious! Pisces: Desperate for a little human contact, you find yourself tackling strangers on the street today. Maybe you should hire an "escort." posted by Joe # 8:34 AM Comments: Huh... maybe all horoscopes aren't a crock of shit. This one turned out to be true. # posted by HopSkipJump : 3:52 AM Shit, and I already booked a golfing trip to Maui. # posted by s. douglas : 10:17 AM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011