Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Friday, June 27, 2008


Life on Mars

The last 24 hours or so has seen some good news and some bad news. Let's take a look.

The good news is that NASA's Mars probe has done some soil analysis which shows that the dirt on Mars contains nutrients capable of supporting life. This is, to me, especially good news considering that I may very well wish to leave the planet in the not-so-distant future.

This is because of the spate of not-so-good news.

For example, the Supreme Court, in a move foreshadowed by their various reactions when the case was argued before them, ruled this week that individuals have the right to bear arms. This is kind of new, in that the court has never been this specific in its interpretation of the Second Amendment, which links the right to bear arms with the need for a ready militia, leaving open the possibility that the Framers simply meant that every state should have a National Guard, or similar group, that had guns and was separate from the armed forces controlled by the federal government.

This new ruling is a wet dream for the NRA, who finally get the big return they've been hoping for from their investment in George W. Bush. In addition to all the other damage that fucker has done, he plopped down two conservitards who tipped the balance enough to do this.

This ruling means that bans on hand guns, like the one that had been in place in Washington, D.C., are now unconstitutional. Great. So localities that are plagued by gun violence will now have that much tougher a time getting the guns off the streets. Thanks, George!

Also fueling my desire to live on a different planet is the situation in Zimbabwe, where the presidential election went forward today, even though the opposition candidate dropped out. Why did he drop out? Because Robert Mugabe's regime was killing the opposition's supporters. Yay, Democracy!

I like to think life on Mars will include fewer megalomaniacal dictators and handguns. I hope it will also include more ginger ale, which I intend to push as the planet's official beverage. Viva Mars!

Obviously, you haven't read enough Bradbury, or seen cinematic turds like Red Planet or Mission to Mars.

The planet makes people kuh-kuh-krrraaaazzzzzeeeee.
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