HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: Weekend plans might be sidelined because of an injury. Or by genital warts.

Taurus: You realize you were horribly wrong to mock your spouse/romantic partner for knowing who Wayland Flowers and Madame were. You might be able to make it up to him/her if you really try.

Gemini: The presidential candidate hits home this week as both Barack Obama and John McCain offer to wash your car in exchange for your vote.

Cancer: Take some time this week to enjoy some of the fine arts, Cancer. And keep in mind that the first season of Charles in Charge on DVD probably doesn't count.

Leo: Celebrate love this week, Leo! But celebrate it in some other way than getting falling-down drunk.

Virgo: You deserve a little break, Virgo. So, five minutes, smoke 'em if you've got 'em and then back to work.

Libra: For some reason, Libra, the current on-going crisis in the real estate market means you're not going to get laid for another two years. Don't ask us precisely how this works.

Scorpio: This is not a time to be stingy, Scorpio. Even if you had to sell five gallons of plasma to earn your rent money, it's not a good idea to stiff a waiter on the tip.

Sagittarius: We won't go into any great detail about the exact circumstances; suffice it to say that you'll spend a portion of this week with squid ink on your junk.

Capricorn: Holy shit, Capricorn! Alex Rodriguez fucking Madonna? A-Rod's wife boffing Lenny Kravitz? Aaaigh! Aaaigh! Gossip overload! Can't...stop...screaming! Head...exploding!

Aquarius: This is a great week for Aquarians to try out a new look. Because "syphilitic whore" is really more appropriate for early Spring.

Pisces: Grow up, Aquarius. Eleven-year-olds can freely giggle at the phrase "manhole cover", but you really ought to be past that.

posted by Joe # 3:55 PM

Comments:

Two years without sex?

That does not bode well for the 100 consecutive days of sex. Nope, not at all.

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:40 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, July 02, 2008 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: Weekend plans might be sidelined because of an injury. Or by genital warts. Taurus: You realize you were horribly wrong to mock your spouse/romantic partner for knowing who Wayland Flowers and Madame were. You might be able to make it up to him/her if you really try. Gemini: The presidential candidate hits home this week as both Barack Obama and John McCain offer to wash your car in exchange for your vote. Cancer: Take some time this week to enjoy some of the fine arts, Cancer. And keep in mind that the first season of Charles in Charge on DVD probably doesn't count. Leo: Celebrate love this week, Leo! But celebrate it in some other way than getting falling-down drunk. Virgo: You deserve a little break, Virgo. So, five minutes, smoke 'em if you've got 'em and then back to work. Libra: For some reason, Libra, the current on-going crisis in the real estate market means you're not going to get laid for another two years. Don't ask us precisely how this works. Scorpio: This is not a time to be stingy, Scorpio. Even if you had to sell five gallons of plasma to earn your rent money, it's not a good idea to stiff a waiter on the tip. Sagittarius: We won't go into any great detail about the exact circumstances; suffice it to say that you'll spend a portion of this week with squid ink on your junk. Capricorn: Holy shit, Capricorn! Alex Rodriguez fucking Madonna? A-Rod's wife boffing Lenny Kravitz? Aaaigh! Aaaigh! Gossip overload! Can't...stop...screaming! Head...exploding! Aquarius: This is a great week for Aquarians to try out a new look. Because "syphilitic whore" is really more appropriate for early Spring. Pisces: Grow up, Aquarius. Eleven-year-olds can freely giggle at the phrase "manhole cover", but you really ought to be past that. posted by Joe # 3:55 PM Comments: Two years without sex? That does not bode well for the 100 consecutive days of sex. Nope, not at all. # posted by Anonymous : 6:40 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011