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Saturday, July 12, 2008


On a Flatulent and Pointless Horse He Rides

I've got nothing against Jon Bon Jovi, personally. He seems like a nice enough guy, even if I've always thought his music could curdle milk. But today, he went too far.

Today, he and Major League Baseball inconvenienced thousands and thousands of people who just wanted to take advantage of a lovely day by walking in the park. I don't have to define what a park is, right? Open space? Public land?

Right, well because of Mr. Bon Jovi's little concert today on the Great Lawn to kick off All-Star Week, which definitely needed the publicity, as I'm sure nobody was paying it any attention, we were shunted here and there because Presidential-level security kicked in while we were in the middle of a stroll.

The Powers That Be apparently decided that Mr. Bon Jovi's life was in such mortal danger that they had to close the park entirely between 87th and 79th, which meant that anyone biking or running or just walking had to go out and around it and also stop periodically so that hordes of concert-goers could be ferried across the path like a line of baby ducklings.

I say, next time the city wants to do something like this, let them put Bon Jovi on a barge in the river so that nobody has to step around him. Stupid goddamn hair rockers.

I got married in the same chapel in Vegas as Mr. Bon Jovi. For a few years, my picture was up on the wall next to his. Still could be, for all I know.
Good times.
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