Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Me Spread Pretty Colors on Wall

We've got a long-ass list of things we want to get done to be ready for Il Bambino. And, so far, we've been really, really, really, really fucking slow to get off our asses and make it happen. Not that big a deal, I guess. I mean, we should have plenty of time and energy on our hands when the kid is born, right? Am I right?

The thing about this list, though, is that a lot of it needs to happen in a very specific order. We couldn't move furniture from one room to the other until we got some painting done. We couldn't get painting done until we got rid of a desk that was in the way. We couldn't get the desk out of the way as long as it was possessed by a poltergeist and spat blood at us every time we went near it.

So I've been spending a lot of time the last couple of months giving my wife my best shoulder-shrugging, what-can-I-do sort of look when she points at her belly and then points at the calendar. (We often have these mimed conversations; we feel it deepens our connection to be able to communicate entirely non-verbally.)

I was supremely disappointed, then, when my wife successfully found a couple who not only needed a desk, but were willing to perform an exorcism to get it. They hauled it out of here a couple of weeks ago (after I'd wiped the remaining blood off of it), which left the rest of the dominoes ready to fall.

Finally, today, I'm pushing on domino numero dos. I'm painting! Hey, look at me! I'm painting! I'm Mr. Paintsy-Pants!

Okay, actually, I'm Mr. Primesy-Pants, as I'm only doing the primer today, but still. I was a little nervous about this, as I haven't painted anything since I helped paint the pavilion at grandparents' campground when I was fourteen. And that went so poorly that I somehow managed to paint my entire arm the same color as the wall and couldn't find it for a good half-hour.

But this is going okay so far this morning. I got the first coat of non-VOC primer up with no major incidents. I didn't manage to paint a white stripe down the cat's back, which could have lead to much sexual confusion when a foreign skunk would have tried to romance him. I didn't fall off of the step-ladder and land on my bottom. Not out of the woods yet, though, as I've got the second coat in about an hour and a half and then I've got the actual painting to get through.

Pray for me, folks.

I'm very familiar with the "shoulder shrugging, what can I do" sort of look.

Around our house, it typically comes right before the "get off your lazy ass and at least pretend to give a shit" eye roll.
At this point in my wife's pregnancy, she's mostly just giving me the finger.
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