Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Friday, August 08, 2008



I was taking a look at the schedule for the Olympics (which start today!) and I noticed that there have been some changes to the events. I guess this isn't all that unusual; I mean, I believe they have, through the years, included various "demonstration" sports at the Games. These sports aren't in the official competition, but countries can send athletes to participate.

So these additions to the list of recognized games are meant to reflect the host country and promote these sports to a world-wide audience. Which is cool. I'm just not entirely sure if the Chinese Olympic Committee put quite enough thought into them. Here's a few off of the roster:
  • Free-Style Sweat Shop--This is a team sport in which a group of athletes has to produce the most fake Gucci handbags. I hear the Kazakhstani team is the team to watch.
  • Women's Cockfighting--I always love to see women get a chance to prove themselves in a traditionally male-dominated sport.
  • Dissident Toss--What a great way to include people with dangerous political views in the games!
  • Pillsbury Bake-Off--I'm not too sure about this one. I think it might be some vague indication that the Chinese government is not above taking bribes from multi-national corporations. Or maybe they just like cobbler.
  • 100-Yard Tank Stop--Talk about turning lemons into lemonade! China has taken what was once a symbol of uprising and resistance and turned it into an Olympic sport! So an athlete stands in front of a tank and, if he/she looks defiant enough, the tank doesn't run them over.
  • Competitive Smoking--With so much of the rest of the world quitting, the Chinese wanted something they'd have a clear advantage in.
Well I, for one, am thrilled to have all these new sports to watch. You can only take so much Table Tennis, y'know?