Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Friday, October 24, 2008


Bard, Baby, Bard

I promise that, after this first week is over, I'll start writing about shit other than my son, but for the time being, as we've spent 99% of our time since Monday here in the apartment, we've been eating, drinking and breathing nothing but baby. It's been All-Kid, All the Time.

Isn't it odd that every parent feels the same way about their kid? (There may be a few assholes who are indifferent to their off-spring, but I don't want to meet them.) We all think that they're the greatest thing since macaroni met cheese.

I was trying to think of a way to express the way I feel about my kid. I was playing with some Hamlet finger puppets when it hit me. Now, you've got to remove the context from this quote, as, in the play, it's attributed to the murdered King Hamlet in reference to Gertrude, his wife. Prince Hamlet, talking about how his dad felt about his mom, says that his dad loved her so much, "...[t]hat he might not beteem the winds of heaven visit her face too roughly."

Now, other than my illiteracy at not knowing what the hell "beteem" means, that about sums up how I feel about the Kid. So, when I'm up at 3:30 in the morning, with this kid red-faced and wailing at me, either because he's got a gas bubble lodged somewhere painful or because he just dreamed he was going through the birth canal again, my fatigue is trumped by my wish that I could just wave a wand and make it all better.

I explained all this to him last night and he seemed to get it.

We all get it, daddy. It's something only a parent (and grandparent) can understand and it is fabulous and scary. And it only gets better...Riley said a very clear word today. Of course, it was in Spanish because he was watching Dora the Explorer, but he definitely repeated it and then said it again after Daddy and I reacted. Fucking cool!!!!!!!!!!!! (No, I don't say fuck around my kids, I leave that for you guys to
I get it too.
No need to write about something different until you feel like it, 'cause it's nice to read it and remember those times before you could ever conceive of strangulation. Now, I'm kidding about that one, but I have seriously considered banging my head against the wall, which may be something you've already encountered.
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