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Monday, October 06, 2008


It's Like Jenga, Only More So

We are now a couple of days past 39 weeks. What that means is that this baby could come literally any minute. Or we could be waiting seven days from now. So, all this way, nine months worth of pregnancy, and now we have endgame.

My wife called me twice today while I was teaching a class. I ran over to the classroom teacher--who happened to be in the room, working on her grades--and I fairly yelled, "Listen, my wife's due to give birth soon and she's calling me and I need to step out in the hallway and take it so I need you to watch the class and I'll be right back and I'm sorry, 'cause I normally wouldn't do this."

This made for a rather sheepish re-entry, when I had to tell the teacher, "Yeah, my wife called me twice in a row because she needed an address."

I'm thinking now that maybe we should set up a definite signal, like maybe she'll send me a text that says, "I'm in labor, dumbass. Get your buns home pronto." That's fairly unambivalent, right?

Still not very clear. You should tell her to text something like, "Hi Honey, how's your day going? Listen I hate to interupt but I've started having contractions. Right now they appear to be ten minutes apart and not very intense. I called the doctor and he said to call back again in a half hour and in the meantime to get in a hot bath. From my rough calculation I'm about two centimeters so you should think abut trying to get someone to cover your class for the rest of the day and go catch a 4 train home. Stop and get me a magazine for the recovery room will you? Oh, wait here comes another contraaaaaaaaaaaction YOU SONOFABITCH YOU DID THIS TO ME AND I WANT TO KILL YOU. Whew. Love you Honey, see you soon."

And tell her she can't use text abbreviations or you won't understand.
I just can't fathom anything more like Jenga than Jenga. woa.

(Words of wisdom I wish I'd had with my first birth (not that I'd have listened). Tell your wife I said to rest until she couldn't ignore the contractions if she tried. I did not in my first labor. As soon as they were 5 minutes apart, I was all over it, calling everyone and bracing myself and it wasn't for a (so) long amount of time (that I won't daunt you with) that I actually gave birth and had things be much harder than they needed to be for myself.

The next three times (geez, she's a breeder), I knew it was imminent late in the day, early evening from intermittent contractions, went to bed early and woke up and had things get going once I was up and around the next day (and resting) with much better results (no hallucinating in dream state between contractions).

It's just goddamned exciting, and of course, you guys probably won't have anything like this occur, but I apprenticed with a midwife for a year, and I've seen others do the same thing. You'll probably be lucky and your wife will have her water break in the grocery store and give birth four hours later. Lucky.

Good luck. (I'm sure you're getting bad advice out the wazzo. There's mine.)
At least you answered. My husband has failed the test call - TWICE. Blamed it on his shitty phone. Guess who was a new Motorola?

Good luck!! Can't wait for the news...
Ah, yes...I remember the olde days, when I was expecting our first baby...we got K a beeper so I could beep him while he was at work. Alas, our first born was three weeks late and I went into labor in the middle of the night (as many women do) and the beeper was for naught.
I'm envious of you. A momentous time is upon you.
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