Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Wednesday, February 04, 2009


Who Knows What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men?

It was inevitable, I guess. And so, now it's happened. I inadvertently made my kid cry by doing a scary laugh.

My dad did it, too. I remember. Halloween, had to have been 1975 or '76. Dad helped my sister and I carve a jack o'lantern and then turned off the kitchen lights so we could admire it. While the lights were off--in the spirit of the season--Dad let loose with a sinister laugh. Utterly appropriate and most definitely not bad parenting. But I was a little, shall we say, overly sensitive. And it scared the shit out of me. So, I remember, I started bawling.

Dad ran to the light switch and lit the kitchen up again, so I could see there was nothing to be scared about. The only thing I had to fear, I'd say, was the fact that I was such a total pussy.

My kid is just a baby. I should know better.

I was sitting beside him as he visited with Mr. Lion in the swing. I was cutting my fingernails and thinking that his nails needed some attention as well. So I told him. I looked at him and said, "And next, we'll take!" and let loose with the laugh I'd perfected years earlier when I played The Shadow. (I make that statement because I want you to be aware of how the laugh sounded. And because I wanted to brag that I got to play The Shadow once. I'm a sad little man.)

Anyway, as soon as the laugh left my throat, I knew it was a mistake. Sure enough, his little lip started quivering and his eyes narrowed and reddened and then he was full-on crying. I left the nails on my right hand undone, grabbed him out of the swing and promised to never do that laugh again.

A promise I'll probably forget as soon as we carve our first jack o'lantern.

I scared Jasper the other day by chasing him. I thought it was a fun game of chase, he disagreed and balled. Poor things. It breaks your heart.

Marcea was 1975. And, yes, you were a pussy.

Just kidding. If you'll recall, I screamed as well. Dad looked scary in the quasi-dark kitchen.

Love, sis.
I just wanted to point out that I actually went to Seattle from Ohio to see you in "The Shadow" from a front row seat. My recollection is that I nearly cried when you let loose with that sinister laugh!

Though none of this diminishes the extent to which you were a pussy back in the day.

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