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Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Eau d'Asstard

It's probably too small, blurry and generally iPhone-camera-ish to be made out, but this is a picture of a truck that was parked outside the run-down little department store down at the end of our block.

I don't know if, in fact, the entire truck was full of what was advertised on the outside, but I like to think it was. Y'see, the truck purported to contain Kim Kardashian's new signature fragrance. I couldn't tell from the ad what the perfume is called, 'cause all the target demographic would care about, I'd guess is that it's Essence of Kardashian. So let's go ahead and assume the perfume is called Giant Fucking Ass.

The whole reason I took this picture, the whole reason I'm writing about it is the tagline at the bottom of the truck ad, which, again, I'm sure you can't read. It says, "The voluptuous new fragrance from Kim Kardashian."

In what way can a smell be voluptuous? Does each particle contain some fat cells, so that it makes your nose curvier upon entry? Is it a scent meant to be smelled only when it's rubbed on the chubby thighs of a fame-whore? Is it high-caloric, so that it will pack the pounds on anyone who sprays it on themselves?

I don't get it. It makes about as much sense to me as someone choosing to watch a show about a bunch of rich douchebags who do nothing but shop and make sex tapes.

"People who want to smell like Kim Kardashian deserve to smell like Kim Kardashian." That's actually my motto.
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