Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Tuesday, May 24, 2005



I'm going through a bit of a funk. Have been for a couple of days now. I'm not sure why this is. I was thinking maybe it had something to do with my not passing my CAP. However, I resolved that situation very handily yesterday--I'll be receiving my degree a couple of months later, but, the woman I spoke with reassured me, I will be receiving it--and I'm still not feeling sunshiney.

It could have to do with our car, which has some battery issues, either a dying battery or a loose wire or something that requires me to jump it pretty goddamn much every time I start it. I don't like having that dread hanging over my head, nor do I like shelling out $5 to a taxi driver when I can't find a friendly soul to jump it for free. But I don't think that's necessarily the problem either.

Maybe it's my perennial lack of money. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm wishing that I'd gone into something more lucrative than teaching-while-trying-to-get-started-as-a-writer. Maybe I'm sick of being poor. But I've been poor for a long, long time and I'm pretty sure I've gotten used to it. I've been poor and happy, so I can't chalk this malaise up to monetary issues.

I suppose it might have something to do with the fact that Ken Jennings didn't come out on top in the first of the three-game series in the finals of the Jeopardy Ultimate Tournament of Champions. That was disappointing, especially when some snarky bearded dipshit came in first. What an unlikable goat-humper. But I have faith that Ken will come back. He's Ken. So I can't lay my despair at his feet either.

What it is, I'm starting to think, is the state of our country. I got a phone call a couple of nights ago that started with the question "Do you think our country is on the right track or headed in the wrong direction?" I got excited. Someone was going to ask my opinions about politics! Yay! A chance to mouth off and have it recorded and shown to politicians! Then the guy started asking me about Wal-Mart. My enthusiasm waned. Who fucking cares about Wal-Mart? They're huge and evil, case closed, next subject. He went on for about ten minutes with the Wal-Mart questions, along the line of "Does Wal-Mart make you feel like a smart shopper?" I "strongly disagreed" with that one. I was very disappointed that I hadn't had a chance to vent my spleen on our country's leaders.

I was watching John Sayles' wonderful Lonestar last night and a scene came on wherein a group of Mexicans run into trouble while wading across the Rio Grande to enter the U.S. illegally. I started to tear up. I thought, "Go back! Why the fuck do you want to come here?"

It makes me fucking sad. I love this country. Love it. I love the idea that we've all come here from someplace else and come together. I love the idea that we put such high value on individual freedoms. I love the thought that, for so long, when people around the world thought of America, they thought of a place where you could pursue your dreams; where there was freedom of opportunity; where there was the promise of a better life. I'm not seeing that so much anymore.

I have so many problems with what our leaders are doing. I hate--hate--the fact that people acted like it was some huge fucking victory that the Senate avoided "the nuclear option". Bullshit! The G.O.P. got three of Bush's judges to the floor for a vote and democrats also had to make a promise that they'd only go to the fillibuster in cases of extreme emergency. Hey republicans! The opposition objected to a handful of your guy's nominees! Deal with it and shut the fuck up! Again--and I don't hear this being brought up anywhere nearly enough--Clinton had a whole boatload more of his judges shot down, so in what way are these hypocritical buttplugs justified in their response?

Retirees from U.S. Airways got fucked out of their pensions because the airline was so desperate to cut costs to get out of bankruptcy. G.M. is in serious trouble as well. I'm in no way business-savvy, but I've heard repeatedly that one major expense large corporations in this country are facing is the rising cost of paying for health care for employees and retirees. Is it possible that if, twelve years ago, when Hilary Clinton was trying to come up with a plan for universal health care, instead of torpedoing her efforts as political payback for her husband's victory over Bush Sr., if instead of that the republicans had worked with her and found some way to make sure that all Americans are covered, our large corporations might not be having some of the problems they're having? I'm not saying her ideas were perfect, or even plausible. But what if the other side had allowed her efforts to be the catalyst for a real dialogue on universal coverage?

But no. That's not the way this country works. How it works is, apparently, you get in office and try to do as much for the people that put you there as you possibly can and then, when your side is not in office, you try to do as much to fuck up the people who are in office as you possibly can. And nothing gets done. And education continues to suffer. And our economy continues to tank. And we continue to lose our standing in the world community.

A pox on both your houses!

I really fucking hate this. I really fucking hate feeling this way. Calgon, take me away!

I agree wholeheartedly with these sentiments, particularly the fact that none of these new developments are being discussed anywhere near enough...The British Intelligence goddamn memo, for example.

Also, the scrutiny that Clinton got ("Clinton has skidmarks in boxers, watch CNN with exclusive footage"), is just not applied by the theoretical liberal-biased media.

Industrial Military Complexes.
GAH! I forgot to watch Ken tonight. Did he come out on top? I too could not believe that bearded fellow took him down. Boo.

I understand the mood you are in. I was there right before I sold all my belongings, quit my job as a sub, and drove across the country.

I am not sure you have the means to do that, what with having to get your car jumped all the way across, but you may want to consider making some kind of change that will make you happy.
I felt the same way during the Harding administration. I had a similar bout with malaise when the Teapot Dome scandal hit.

Bush is a heavy-drinking, coke-snorting, bible-thumping, short-sighted, brutish motherfucker who shouldn't even be a high school guidance counselor, let alone the fucking president of the United States.

If things get too bad, take a couple of .45 caliber aspirin and call me from the afterlife.
I think this funk is catching. It's also part of the curse of being well-informed. Anyway I feel the same way and I think that at least 48% of the country does, too, so at least we're not alone. (Yeah, that pep sounded false to me, too. Oh, well.) Hey, but I hear the new Star Wars movie isn't a complete waste of millions of dollars, so there's somethin' to smile about! Whee!
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