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Monday, October 03, 2005


Here Come the Judge, Part II

The suspense is over. Bush announced his choice of a justice to replace Sandra "One Fine" Day O'Connor this morning. The winner: one Harriet Miers. One complaint being heard already is that the senators who will be voting on Miers don't really know that much about her, as she has never been a judge and, therefore, has no record of decisions by which one could gauge her standing on a number of issues. She's a White House insider. She was a major player in the judicial search that came up with John Roberts. She was a high-powered corporate lawyer in Texas and was the first woman to head the Texas Bar Association. But all of that is not enough information on which to build an opinion of what kind of justice she might be.

So, once again, Hairshirt uses our network of well-placed insiders to get you the advanced scoop on what kind of person, what kind of legal mind, what kind of lover this Harriet Miers is. (Actually, that "lover" part isn't true.) We bring you...The Hairshirt Questionnaire.

Name: Harriet Miers.

Nicknames: H to tha M, Legal Knievel, Hot Lips, Ms. Sassy-Pants, Cruella DiCounsel, Token Gesture to Feminism.

Hobbies: Reading; defending large corporations; sucking up; knitting homemade colostomy bags; scrapbooking.

Favorite song: "You Don't Know Me".

Last good book read: Tek Vengeance. (I am so into Shatner.)

Pet peeves: Nosy bastards who want your opinion on shit like abortion.

If I could be anybody in the world, I'd be...: A dude, 'cause I'd like to see what it's like to pee standing up.

I have never...: Been a judge, and yet this guy plops me right in the Majors. Kooky, ain't it?

Turn-ons: Long walks on the beach; candle-lit dinners; smurfs; mudsports.

Turn-offs: Men who cry; senate committees; inverted nipple syndrome.

Someday I'd like to...: Be qualified to be a Supreme Court justice.

Looks like this little lady is everything you could want in a justice...and more.