Helping You Get the Most Out of Your Misery






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Monday, November 21, 2005


Terror at Things Remembered

A couple of days ago, I wrote a bit about how useful crazy people could be if we just had the foresight to take advantage of their natural tendency to be fucking crazy. Yesterday, some dipshit in Tacoma, WA proved how completely right I was.

Said dipshit, one Dominick Maldonado, was pissed off at the world. He was full of anger and rage. He felt out of control of his emotions and ready to take his hostilities out on someone.

So he went to the mall.

Dom, you'll pardon my asking: what the hell kind of retard are you? The mall? That's the limit of your imagination? What could possibly be the reason for wasting a perfectly good murderous shooting spree on a fucking mall? Were you at some point in your life fired from Wicks-n-Sticks? B. Dalton Bookseller was out of The DaVinci Code? Orange Julius gave you brain freeze?

And, before he went and shot up Spencer's Gifts or wherever, Dom sent a text message to his old girlfriend, in which he wrote, "The world is going to feel my anger, feel my pain. Today, I'm going to be heard." Yes, asshole, you're going to be heard by the clerk at Bath & Body Works. The world? The world could give a shit. Especially since you're such a lousy shot that you didn't kill anybody.

What the hell makes these "shooting spree" assholes think that this is a good way to express themselves? Perhaps they should try haiku instead. Then again, haiku in the wrong hands can be just as deadly. One need only think of the horrific "Open Mike Massacre" three years ago in Berkeley. Those poor coffee-drinkers never knew what hit them.

I will say once again that this could have been avoided if Maldonado had been part of an All-Crazy Army. His crazy drill sergeant could have taught him to take his anger at his ex-girlfriend and the rest of the civilized world and direct it at a suicide bomber. When, oh when, will the powers that be listen to my ideas? How many more Hot Topics must be filled with bullet holes before they come to their senses?

Hot dog on a stick
Must pay for its transgressions.
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