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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Prima Donna Pretty Boys Smackdown

So the American team playing in the World Baseball Classic, a 16-game tournament meant to foster a love of baseball and Yankee hats in countries around the world, got their asses kicked by the Canadian team. The American team is loaded with such marquee names as Johnny Damon, Roger Clemens, Jason Varitek and Derek "Mr. Fancy-Pants" Jeter. With that kind of talent--and given the fact that we invented the fucking game--many people assumed that the Americans could win with their bloated salaries tied behind their backs.

So what happened? How could such a sure thing go so horribly awry? The theories abound:

Canadian pitcher Adam Loewen used his patented "maple syrup ball", in which he secretly pours a little bit of maple syrup on the ball. The strategy is illegal in international play.
Third baseman Alex Rodriguez blew several plays because he was busy masturbating to his own picture.
American players were completely rattled by Canadians repeated sing-song chanting of "You guys are hosers!"
U.S. team thwarted by the "Curse of Celine Dion".
MLB veterans were too upset by the poor quality of the Steak au Poivre from their hotel's room service to play at full strength.
The Canadian team was loaded with super-rugged lumberjack-types.
Other countries' teams enhanced their performance with steroids, which American players are too morally upstanding to even consider.
American team torn asunder by raging argument over who would win that evening's Project Runway finale.
The Canadians dispatched funnyman Tom Green to distract the Americans with his hilarious antics.
The American team is made up of a bunch of overpaid prima donna jaggoffs who consider a tournament like this to be too far beneath them to put forth much effort.

Hmm. That last one sounds fairly plausible, don't you think?

posted by Joe # 6:35 PM

Comments:

Sure, the U.S. team had Johnny Damon and Derek (Jeter Jeter Booger Eater) Jeter, but the Canadians? They had JUSTIN MORNEAU, mighty first baseman of my own Minnesota Twins.

It just goes to show. You don't f*ck with the Canucks.

# posted by

TwinsGoddess : 9:35 AM

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Prima Donna Pretty Boys Smackdown

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		Thursday, March 09, 2006 Prima Donna Pretty Boys Smackdown So the American team playing in the World Baseball Classic, a 16-game tournament meant to foster a love of baseball and Yankee hats in countries around the world, got their asses kicked by the Canadian team. The American team is loaded with such marquee names as Johnny Damon, Roger Clemens, Jason Varitek and Derek "Mr. Fancy-Pants" Jeter. With that kind of talent--and given the fact that we invented the fucking game--many people assumed that the Americans could win with their bloated salaries tied behind their backs. So what happened? How could such a sure thing go so horribly awry? The theories abound: Canadian pitcher Adam Loewen used his patented "maple syrup ball", in which he secretly pours a little bit of maple syrup on the ball. The strategy is illegal in international play. Third baseman Alex Rodriguez blew several plays because he was busy masturbating to his own picture. American players were completely rattled by Canadians repeated sing-song chanting of "You guys are hosers!" U.S. team thwarted by the "Curse of Celine Dion". MLB veterans were too upset by the poor quality of the Steak au Poivre from their hotel's room service to play at full strength. The Canadian team was loaded with super-rugged lumberjack-types. Other countries' teams enhanced their performance with steroids, which American players are too morally upstanding to even consider. American team torn asunder by raging argument over who would win that evening's Project Runway finale. The Canadians dispatched funnyman Tom Green to distract the Americans with his hilarious antics. The American team is made up of a bunch of overpaid prima donna jaggoffs who consider a tournament like this to be too far beneath them to put forth much effort. Hmm. That last one sounds fairly plausible, don't you think? posted by Joe # 6:35 PM Comments: Sure, the U.S. team had Johnny Damon and Derek (Jeter Jeter Booger Eater) Jeter, but the Canadians? They had JUSTIN MORNEAU, mighty first baseman of my own Minnesota Twins. It just goes to show. You don't f*ck with the Canucks. # posted by TwinsGoddess : 9:35 AM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011