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Thursday, December 13, 2007


Christmas Tards

I mentioned the other day that my wife and I haven't sent out our Christmas cards yet. This is due in part on our inability to agree on a design.

See, for most of our relationship, we kept our Christmas cards separate. This is due in part to our somewhat divergent tastes. I like Christmas cards that are funny. My wife likes Christmas cards that are not painfully ugly. She was, therefore, hesitant to put her name on the homemade cards I traditionally sent out, which always looked like they'd been drawn by an inept kindergartener with a broken wrist. I, in turn, insisted on inflicting on the world my mediocre attempts at topical Christmas humor.

There have been years when neither of us felt up to the work of designing, printing and buying envelopes for our own cards, so we've caved and bought them from the store.

This year, we really made an effort to come up with something together. And we actually did hit on an idea. My wife went so far as to make a prototype on the computer. Then we chickened out and bought some generic (if pretty) New York cards to send instead.

But I think it's too funny to never use. Y'see, we decided that what we wanted to do was to give people the most awkward Christmas card-opening experience ever. When the idea came to us, we laughed a portion of our asses off. (My ass is too large to laugh off completely, alas.) But we weren't sure if anyone--anyone in the world--would find it as funny as us.

So here it is. Judge for yourself.

It's brilliant.
Made me laugh.

Cracked me up! That's a great card!
I love you, Hairshirt!
Fuck you, Joe.
I'm pissed that I'm going to get some shit-ass store bought bullshit instead of this masterpiece.*


*Assuming I made your card list, which is far from a given, considering last year's fisting incident...
I laughed even though I wasn't sure it was ok.
Well...the marriage is safe. No kids to drive you nuts and a sense of humor to boot.
I wish I would get cards like this from people. Instead I get teddy bears with santa hats on.
Not fair.
Fantastic. We used photoshop to put a santa hat on a picture of our embryo with the message, "Merry Christmas from Ted, Kristin and Baby Ecto!" referring to my ecotpic pregnancy this summer. We didn't actually mail them, but I emailed them to some people to share our comic brilliance. Turns out we were the only ones who thought that was funny...
After wanting to run screaming from the house if I received yet another Christmas card with someone's fucking baby on it, I can only say that I would have been MORE than thrilled to receive one of these!
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