HAIRSHIRT

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

Aries: It's time to take some control over yourself, Aries. You really need to fight that almost overwhelming urge to wear a big furry hat. I mean, you look like fucking Genghis Khan in that thing.

Taurus: Nauseous Taureans might want to mix things up a little by blending a handful of Tums into a milkshake.

Gemini: Remember the old saying, Gemini: If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Or some dude in a duck costume. Like Elton John or someone.

Cancer: It's not as sexy as you think to cover yourself in cheese and pepperoni, climb into a flat cardboard box and have yourself delivered to your lover.

Leo: You're somewhat disconcerted to discover this week that Manny Ramirez has been traded to you for your spouse and a player to be named later.

Virgo: Clumps of grass clippings glued to one's face does not actually look like a beard. Just so you're aware, Virgo.

Libra: There's a lot of poop in your immediate future. Sorry the stars aren't more specific about the source and/or location of said poop.

Scorpio: You're plagued by chronic lateness this week, Scorpio. So late, in fact, that your horoscope didn't even show up until 10:30 on Thursday. Sad.

Sagittarius: Your lover gives you an adorable pet name: "Dumb-Fuck."

Capricorn: You are absolutely correct in your feeling that anyone who can't spell "respect" is either stupid or lost their ears in a bizarre lathe accident sometime before the invention of radio.

Aquarius: Things may not be what they seem, Aquarius. Unless they seem shitty, in which case your perceptions are probably spot on.

Pisces: When recovering from a tragedy, it's important to keep in mind that talking to someone attractive while you've got a boog hanging from your nostril isn't really all that fucking tragic. A little perspective for you, Pisces.

posted by Joe # 2:02 PM

Comments:

Even if pizza is his favorite food?

# posted by

Cindy-Lou : 4:38 PM

Poop? Really? POOP!!!!!?

# posted by

Anonymous : 7:56 PM

HEY!

I need Scorpio!

# posted by

blackbird : 9:53 PM

Whew. Good to know he's just plagued by lateness.

# posted by

blackbird : 10:51 PM

I didn't have any Tums or fixings for a milkshake on hand, so I had some muscle relaxers and a glass of wine- does that count?

# posted by

Whiskeymarie : 2:51 PM

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hairshirt Horoscope

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		Wednesday, July 30, 2008 Hairshirt Horoscope Aries: It's time to take some control over yourself, Aries. You really need to fight that almost overwhelming urge to wear a big furry hat. I mean, you look like fucking Genghis Khan in that thing. Taurus: Nauseous Taureans might want to mix things up a little by blending a handful of Tums into a milkshake. Gemini: Remember the old saying, Gemini: If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Or some dude in a duck costume. Like Elton John or someone. Cancer: It's not as sexy as you think to cover yourself in cheese and pepperoni, climb into a flat cardboard box and have yourself delivered to your lover. Leo: You're somewhat disconcerted to discover this week that Manny Ramirez has been traded to you for your spouse and a player to be named later. Virgo: Clumps of grass clippings glued to one's face does not actually look like a beard. Just so you're aware, Virgo. Libra: There's a lot of poop in your immediate future. Sorry the stars aren't more specific about the source and/or location of said poop. Scorpio: You're plagued by chronic lateness this week, Scorpio. So late, in fact, that your horoscope didn't even show up until 10:30 on Thursday. Sad. Sagittarius: Your lover gives you an adorable pet name: "Dumb-Fuck." Capricorn: You are absolutely correct in your feeling that anyone who can't spell "respect" is either stupid or lost their ears in a bizarre lathe accident sometime before the invention of radio. Aquarius: Things may not be what they seem, Aquarius. Unless they seem shitty, in which case your perceptions are probably spot on. Pisces: When recovering from a tragedy, it's important to keep in mind that talking to someone attractive while you've got a boog hanging from your nostril isn't really all that fucking tragic. A little perspective for you, Pisces. posted by Joe # 2:02 PM Comments: Even if pizza is his favorite food? # posted by Cindy-Lou : 4:38 PM Poop? Really? POOP!!!!!? # posted by Anonymous : 7:56 PM HEY! I need Scorpio! # posted by blackbird : 9:53 PM Whew. Good to know he's just plagued by lateness. # posted by blackbird : 10:51 PM I didn't have any Tums or fixings for a milkshake on hand, so I had some muscle relaxers and a glass of wine- does that count? # posted by Whiskeymarie : 2:51 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011