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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot

It's fucking hot in New York right now. Highs are in the upper 90s with humidity that makes it feel like 104. This means I'm having the usual problems (nasty smells, personal comfort issues, etc.) that accompany this weather. So I went to a site the National Institutes of Health has set up to give the public tips on how to stay cool during the current heat wave. They had a number of really helpful suggestions, including:

Keep your testicles in the freezer when not using them.
Fool your body into thinking it's cooler than it is by wearing extra clothing, like a black cardigan sweater.
Don't thaw out meat or vegetables before eating them.
Hire an out of work actor to pop up from behind your furniture at regular intervals to exclaim, "Wow, it's cold!"
Stick an oscillating fan in your underwear.
Avoid lying down naked on pavement.
If you must exercise, keep it to lacrosse or other wussy sports.
Drink plenty of liquids, unless those liquids are boiling.
Get out of the city and spend time in one of your four vacation homes instead.
Avoid setting yourself on fire, unless absolutely necessary.

After reading all these great ideas, I plan on having a safe, cool summer. Thanks, NIH!

posted by Joe # 9:18 AM

Comments:

Watching Dr. Zhivago helps.

# posted by

TwinsGoddess : 4:46 PM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot

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		Tuesday, July 18, 2006 Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot It's fucking hot in New York right now. Highs are in the upper 90s with humidity that makes it feel like 104. This means I'm having the usual problems (nasty smells, personal comfort issues, etc.) that accompany this weather. So I went to a site the National Institutes of Health has set up to give the public tips on how to stay cool during the current heat wave. They had a number of really helpful suggestions, including: Keep your testicles in the freezer when not using them. Fool your body into thinking it's cooler than it is by wearing extra clothing, like a black cardigan sweater. Don't thaw out meat or vegetables before eating them. Hire an out of work actor to pop up from behind your furniture at regular intervals to exclaim, "Wow, it's cold!" Stick an oscillating fan in your underwear. Avoid lying down naked on pavement. If you must exercise, keep it to lacrosse or other wussy sports. Drink plenty of liquids, unless those liquids are boiling. Get out of the city and spend time in one of your four vacation homes instead. Avoid setting yourself on fire, unless absolutely necessary. After reading all these great ideas, I plan on having a safe, cool summer. Thanks, NIH! posted by Joe # 9:18 AM Comments: Watching Dr. Zhivago helps. # posted by TwinsGoddess : 4:46 PM Post a Comment << Home		Links The Conversation Special Productions Izzle Pfaff Freida Bee Sometimes I Just Talk Alisa and the Stuff Alisa Does Tuna Girl Defective Yeti The Incurable Insomniac The Savvy, The Extreme and The Idealist Caballito del Diablo The Ambivalence of Open Spaces Bug-Eyed Blog Whiskeymarie Version 53 Things I've Noticed (S)wine: ShortLeanCuts Out of Tune Missives from the Beige Sister of Hairshirt Apostrophe Abuse Jonestown Tobacco Brunette The Public Intellectual That's Why Archives July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 March 2011 April 2011